TV

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) How come Jack doesn't ever have to eat, drink or go to the bathroom? How come Tony was in surgery merely hours ago and now his injury seems like nothing more than a little scratch? How come some characters can zoom across Los Angeles in five seconds while others take episodes to reach their destination? And, finally, do you think Kim and Sherry regret their decisions to get bangs?

"24" finally returns this Tuesday (9 p.m. on FOX) after a five-week vacation (hmmm ... I wondering if they went skiing like I did?) for its final nine episodes of the season. I'm happy to report that the series is back on track after meandering plots lines that were so obviously put in place to kill some screen time (I'm talking to you Chase's baby). Now that the writers can see the light at the end of the season, the series is zipping along with shocking plot twists and intriguing subplots. There's not a better place for that virus to be released than a hotel.

But, and it is much better that you hear this from a friend, I think we all have to face the possibility that perhaps "24" is stuck on a structure that cannot be sustained for another season. This season, more than the previous two, the show has really suffered and struggled to fill the gap between the kicking off the season and the wrapping up the season.

My question is this -- do you think "24" should come back next season? And if so, should it stick to the same innovative structure? Talk about it on the TV Gal message board.

Quotes of the Week

"DirecTV has filed suit against O.J. Simpson, accusing him of pirating its satellite-television signal. In an unrelated story, DirecTV has been stabbed to death." Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update." Thanks to TV Gal reader Jeff for the quote.

"Not if I see you first, love." Lauren to Vaughn on "Alias." Thanks to TV Gal Maria for the quote.

"They are the most famous faces in America." Ryan Seacrest about the 12 "American Idol" finalists. Well thank goodness the well-tanned host isn't prone to exaggeration.

"It'd be nice to have a million dollars and take the girl away too." Boston Rob on "Survivor: All-Stars." Condemn me if you must, but I love that Boston Rob. I think he's slammin'.

"If you're executed, I'll be a witness. I'll smile then." Sydney to Sloane on "Alias."

"Drop one more name and I'm going to staple your mouth shut." Donna to Josh's ever-annoying intern on "The West Wing."

Seth Cohen Quotes of the Week

Since the show wasn't on for three weeks and it's being preempted next week for "The Swan" (don't even try to talk to me about that), we're having two Seth Cohen quotes for the price of one this week.

"Maybe they just go to the motel and spoon and watch Charlie Rose." Seth speculating that Luke and Julie Cooper aren't actually having a torrid affair.

"I heard some really really awful music and I knew it could only be self-indulgent actors with instruments." Seth after hearing Grady play his CD.

Where Have I Seen Them Before?

Sure the vulgar language is more than a little distracting but I can't get enough of the familiar faces in "Deadwood." William Sanderson, Larry from "Newhart" (where's his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?), is hotel owner E. B. Farnum. Timothy Osmundson, Sean on "Judging Amy," is the man who was duped into buying land that has no gold. Geri Jewell, Blair's cousin Geri on "Facts of Life," is the prostitutes' maid.

Scott William Winters, Cyril on "Oz," is the new sketchy detective Stan Hatcher on "NYPD Blue." My vote is that the story he told Andy about his wife dying isn't exactly true.

Paul Blackthorne is Stephen Saunders, the mastermind behind the virus on "24." He was Dr. Matt Slingerland on "Presidio Med" and, more importantly, he's currently making the moves on Elizabeth as Dr. Lawson on "ER."

Highlights of the Week Ahead
All times listed are Eastern Standard Time for March 29 to April 4

As you well know I'll watch any show featuring my secret husband Luke Perry (promise not to tell Luke about my secret boyfriend Colin Firth). Perry is one of the actors featured in "Teen Idols of the '90s" (Monday, E!, 10 p.m.).

Laura Linney as Frasier's matchmaker or Laura Linney as Frasier's true love? We'll find out soon as the good doctor begins his final six episodes on "Frasier" (Tuesday, NBC, 9 p.m.).

America, how you doing, man? You having a good time voting for "American Idol"? Tell me this, man, why don't you like Jennifer Hudson? I can't believe Hudson almost got kicked off the show. She has a great voice and a fantastic personality. And I'm not saying that because I picked her as one of my final four. As someone who is a connoisseur of country music (hello I went to Fan Fair in Nashville), I was so disappointed that last week most of the contestants chose to sing the cheesy country pop hybrids like "Amazed" and "Breathe" (let's be honest we should never have to hear "Breathe" again). This week on "American Idol" (Tuesday, FOX, 8 p.m.), the ten remaining finalists sing Motown hits. Now we know someone will sing "Proud Mary," it really is just a matter of whom.

NBC's trigger-happy scheduling has forced poor Nestor Carbonell to compete against himself. The guy starred in "Suddenly Susan." Hasn't he suffered enough? But on Tuesday night he'll headline in his new series "Century City" (CBS, 9 p.m.) and guest star on "Scrubs" (NBC, 9:30 p.m.). Carbonell's Dr. Ron Ramirez might romance Carla away from Turk.

Seriously, was that not the best episode of "The O.C." (Wednesday, FOX, 9 p.m.) that we've had in, well, forever? The series biggest strength is its ability to laugh at itself. The audience is simultaneously laughing with them and at the folks in the opening credits. We are all in on the joke that "The O.C." is an over-the-top soap opera. The show's second biggest strength is that somehow, amidst all the crazy nonsense, they've created characters we care about and they've created Seth Cohen, one of the best characters ever to hit prime time. Won't you join me in hoping that we never celebrate angst-free Ryan month.

It's another gimmicky episode of "The West Wing" (Wednesday, NBC, 9 p.m.). C.J. is followed by a documentary crew.

Steven Schirripa, Bobby Bacala (or Mr. Janice Soprano) on "The Sopranos," guest stars on "Law & Order" (Wednesday, NBC, 10 p.m.). Also look for Mayor Bloomberg to play the Mayor of New York (imagine that).

When I watch this whole Boston Rob and Amber romance on "Survivor: All-Stars" (Thursday, CBS, 8 p.m.), I'm obsessed (yes, obsessed) with the fact that they are all kissy-kissy and neither one of them has brushed their teeth in 21 days. Take a moment to think about that. That's some serious morning breath.

Am I the only one who noticed that Amy did in fact come up with the idea of raffling off the rental of a car for the weekend on "The Apprentice" (Thursday, CBS, 8 p.m.). I'm confident of one thing: If anything had happened between Amy and Nick, surely we would have seen it. Also can anyone tell me why the women feel the need to wear skirts reminiscent of Amanda on "Melrose Place" to the board room? Do they think they're Ally McBeal?

Bobby Cannavale returns as Will's boyfriend on "Will & Grace" (Thursday, NBC, 8:30 p.m.). Isn't it time Will got a boyfriend who lasted more than three episodes?

Tony Goldwyn, the villain of "Ghost" and the director of "A Walk on the Moon," guest stars as identical twins on "Without a Trace" (Thursday, CBS, 10 p.m.).

Finally Romano gets a little respect. Paul McCrane directs this week's episode of "ER" (Thursday, NBC, 10 p.m.).

Of all the shows that were cancelled too soon, sometimes I think I miss "My So-Called Life" most of all. Repeats of the series return to The N this Friday at 8 p.m.

Matt Groening is guest stars as Matt Groening, creator of "Futurama" on "The Simpsons" (Sunday, FOX, 8 p.m.).

To the TV Gal Reader Belongs the Spoilers

Please believe me  don't read if you don't want to know.

Well, we all know that May sweeps can only mean one thing -- return of familiar faces. Does anyone ever wonder why their loved ones only visit in November, February or May? Barry Watson and David Gallagher return to "7th Heaven" for a two-part season finale. Matt's marriage to Sarah is still in trouble (that's what you get for marrying a girl you just met) and running into his ex-girlfriend Heather doesn't help matters. Simon isn't thrilled to find Cecilia dating Martin. Carlos Ponce also returns as Mary's husband, but prodigal daughter Mary will not be returning for the 8th season finale.

Okay I've seen the next three episodes of "24," but I know how testy you all can get when I give away too much information on "24." But I will tell you this -- remember that "24" is really the only show on television that will kill off any character at any time with or without cause. In the three episodes I've seen - two characters are done away with. The second death is particularly upsetting and shocking. Also the President will lie to protect Sherry and Michelle will try to ease the pain of the hotel guests exposed to the virus.

By now you have all heard that Sarah Michelle Gellar won't be returning for the series finale on "Angel" (like many things today I do not want to talk about it). Nicholas Brendon and Alyson Hannigan won't be there either. But the good news is that it looks like Dawn (Michelle Trachtenberg, who don't forget we will see on "Six Feet Under" in June) will stop by. And I do keep hearing we will be seeing Connor.

Like father, like daughter. Sydney and Jack will warn Vaughn that, you know, his wife is an evil double spy (and Vaughn will finally understand why his wife has been looking so good lately) on "Alias." But Covenant leader Bomani (Djimon Hounsou, who ABC recently realized was an Academy Award-nominee not an Academy Award winner) will begin to think that Lauren won't be able to continue to be on the Covenant's team and Jack will find out the truth about Sloane's involvement with the Rambaldi documents. Sark and Bomani will take control of the Rambaldi machine and release a virus that will bring hospitals around the world to a halt.

Everyone remain calm but it looks like Nina will finally get a story line of her own on "Everwood." Nina and her ex-husband fight for sole custody of Sam. Dylan Walsh will reprise his role as Nina's ex-husband Carl. Andy will be one of Nina's witnesses. Amy will move back home, but her parents will find out that she's taking the birth control pill.

Remember that Detective Hatcher has serious connections on "NYPD Blue." He'll get Andy transferred out of his precinct and to the Bellevue Morgue. But that won't stop Andy investigating Hatcher for murder.

Summer will do everything she can to try to impress Seth's grandma (Linda Lavin) and Marissa will run away after she finds out about her mom's affair with Luke on "The O.C."

Haley will have to temporarily become a cheerleader to help Brooke and Peyton win a competition on "One Tree Hill."

That's all for today. I'll be back next Monday with thoughts on "Friends," "ER," "Everwood," "The Sopranos," and much much more. Have question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.